I decided to still continue the tips about meeting people online since I still feel upset about my last encounter. The last girl whom I met said that claimed that she cannot be ‘100% serious’ even after talking with me for around 4 months and then said she need to see face-to-face more often so that we can become ‘good friend’ and then she can decide whether we can engage as a couple.
I have explained in my previous post about my idea that finding spouse is different from finding friend. However, I realized that there are a lot of people who want their spouse to be necessarily one of their best friends. Hence in this post, I want to debunk her non-sensical idea that to find out whether someone can be your best friend required drama for a couple of months and even years. If you follow my tips, probably you can make decision within 1 month.
Here are five things you need to check to determine if a person you meet will become your best friend:
There are a lot of tests which you can do to test the degree of spirituality. The most common test is that whether a person is doing the routine spiritual activities such as prayer, worship and meditation. The higher level of spirituality will be fasting (i.e. whether he/she fast during special religious occasions), giving regular donation to religious organization and observation of dietary law and even dress code in casual context.
Another indicator of spirituality can be seen by the focus of the conversation. Spiritually immature person has a tendency to talk only about himself, his passions, his daily routines and will emphasize how to pursue material things like house, automobile, business, and so on.
In contrast, spiritual person will often address the concern about people around him, such as his family, community and even society. He will talk about how he may contribute and solve the important issues and really will do it.
For me, such thing can be easily identifiable within 1-2 weeks. At most will be 1 month.
You can test yourself or the person whom you meet online about your level of knowledge about important issues. For me, I will categorize level of knowledge into 5 level: Self (Level 1), Family (Level 2), Community (Level 3), Society (Level 4) and World (Level 5).
The person with knowledge level 1 only knows important things related directly to himself (i.e. His work, his study, his hobbies, his possessions and his experience). Whereas, level 2 person will know all things person in level 1 know (knowledge about himself) but also important things in his family (for example, what are the diseases his parents have, how is the financial situation of the family, etc). The same definition follows for Level 3, 4 and 5.
A person will most likely become best friend if his level of knowledge is not much different like you. If you have level 5 knowledge and love to talk about various things, you will not be good match with someone with only level 2 knowledge.
In this era, the fastest way to test level of knowledge is simply seeing their Facebook wall. How many days will be required to perform such test? Probably only 1-2 days.
This is the easiest thing to check. In modern world, we spend most of our time for our work. Hence, do I need to explain that if you work in the same field, you two will be more likely to have good conversation and knowing each other better?
Even if you decided that that guy will not be your spouse, you still can be business partner or even get recommendation in case you try to find new job. And to check such thing requires only 1 minute.
However, although it is easy to check, there is a tendency for a job has become overspecialized. Even you two work in same field, there is a high possibility that you two still does not understand each other perfectly.
Additionally, because different gender generally has different occupation preference (men occupy more technical field whereas women occupy creative field), you two will be most likely work in different occupation unless you two meet in college. Hence, I do not put great expectation to get spouse with similar occupation.
Hobby is also like occupation, very easy to find out. Since the probability to get spouse with similar occupation is quite low outside the college, I will emphasize this greatly for people who need to find spouse who will be their best friend.
This is for simple reason – what else will be more pleasant to spend your leisure time with the same leisure activity loved by both of you? If during leisure activity one party need to make compromise and cannot enjoy it, then it is not the leisure anymore. Outside of routine household work and child care, you two probably will do not have much thing to do together and it can lead to boring life in the long run.
I hate to say this but it seems that it is embedded in our brain that we want balance relationship in which we can mutually give and receive in roughly same amount. If there is a large difference of financial condition of person or his family you met, even if you two personally like each others, it will eventually become obstacle.
This is true because even in Scriptures, it is said: ‘The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends’ (Proverbs 14: 20). People with good financial condition usually have enough saving to help those people in need. Poor people often experienced financial difficulty due to unforeseen events, such as illness and unemployment, and they have no mean to help themselves and hence need to borrow money from the rich.
If your friend is in poor financial condition, he will be likely often ask for financial assistance and no matter how hard you try to deny your feeling, you will be less likely to love him in the long run. This is because the relationship has become imbalance with one side only can receive and others always give. The relationship changed from mutual friendship to lender and borrower. It has happened among my relatives and I think it is also common among all types of people.
So, all in all, how long do you think before you can find all those 5 criteria? Obviously, not a couple of months or years! Save your time for finding something so easy with short amount of time.